Dear Anxious Anglican,
No names will be used here and because what I know about your situation is light on specifics I can only go through what I imagine to be a number of different angles. I suspect you are far from alone. All I really know is that you are married to a husband who resents your commitment to Jesus so much that he has made an ultimatum- choose Jesus or me. In desperation you have come the way of the Quakers and our liberal faith in search of a way of connecting with God that does not alienate him. Perhaps we can help, but I am not sure.
I can only hope that the route of this problem is that the man in your life is a "big softie" like me.You mentioned your love of the Anglican liturgy. I have to say it did not really work for me although I appreciate beautiful liturgy and meaningful services so long a they are accompanied by Ira Gershwin's pinch of salt. Maybe like Jude in the Thomas Hardy novel and Bertrand Russell it aggravates his laudable sensitivities to see you seemingly berating yourself for being a "miserable sinner" every week. And all that about there being a "narrow path" which apparently casts him as a doomed heretic in need of your outreach. I can well imagine how a sensitive man might respond to this. And I know how pushy some less liberal Anglicans can be when it comes to giving which is bound to be problematic for couples of mixed religious backgrounds, particularly in a time of recession. 5% to 10% of your disposable household income? Forget it. All we ask for is what you can spare and rightly so. By analogy, a woman might reasonably ask a man to curb his passion for football if he comes back from an away loss having lost sight of the spirit of the "beautiful game".
However, to confront you with an ultimatum like this is alarming. Why does he feel so compelled to curb a passion and an interest within you. If he were truly a humanist he would acknowledge your human need for a sense of connection, intellectual stimulation and the psychosematic benefits of prayer and singing to be found in an Anglican service. Instead he appears to be resorting to emotional blackmail to keep you to himself. I do not want to alarm you but a good friend of mine was nearly killed by an abusive partner who scalped her by setting her head of hair alight. This behaviour begins with "if you loved me you would...", "it is either me or (something or someone precious to you)" and "how can you be so selfish abandoning me, what about my needs".
Don't forget that the right to free religious expression is there in the United Nations charter of fundamental rights for a reason and your rights are not eroded once you part of a married couple. Do not be confused by the idea that Christianity is ultimately about love and the seriousness of the vows you have taken. If as I fear you are in an abusive relationship and any suggestion of professional help is dismissed, then when the time is right you need to call his bluff and assert whatever religious affiliation seems right for you as an essential part of what you are. Everyone, from the most conservative believer in "sanctity of marriage" to DH Lawrence would agree that you are doing the right thing. If you suffer the fallout then your religious friends will consider it their duty to assist you.
All the very best,
You know where to find us.
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